Web Haunts

Thursday July 24

"It"

It. The lightbulb. The aha. Crossing the Abyss. The difference is between being good and being great. Or maybe it’s the difference in going from believing it’s possible to making it happen.

My transformation chain of events began with being tired of being sick and tired. Weight loss really started happening when I believed that being healthy and fit was possible. But something happened when I finished my first BFL challenge. Accomplishment? Yes, but I had already accomplished a lot by losing weight. Believing in the lifestyle? Sure, but I had already been making fairly healthy eating choices and was already accustomed to working out. The only word that I can use to describe what has happened to me is power. Knowledge is power. Strength is power. Not only did I achieve strength gains in the gym, but also I have assessed my first challenge and decided that 85% effort was not going to be acceptable this time around. All of a sudden, I feel completely filled with fire to do this and do it hard. I have woken up every day this week before the alarm clock goes off and have done my workouts with balls to the wall fervor! I envision my fat cells crying with every droplet of sweat and like a drill sergeant have visualized beating them into submission. I have not even flinched as I have walked by candy machines on my floor or even the Ben and Jerry’s kiosk on my walk home from work. For the first week in …um…EVER, I’m not obsessing about all the food I can’t have or can have on free day. Hell, even cottage cheese is tasting better this week. The journal is always an arm’s length away and this challenge is seeing it filled with pictures of athletes and quotes I aspire to as well as my eats and workouts. So what has changed? I’m not sure, but I have “it” now. Girl’s got game.

The little man was right. Do or do not, there is no try!


7/24/2003 03:28 pm link to this post

Monday July 21

Leading by the collar

It is amazing to me how many changes there have been in me and others around me during this journey. I was recently contacted by a lovely lady from Discovery Health to be featured in one of their weight loss inspirational programs. While I am totally excited, I also realized there are so many things I take for granted now. When I was asked how different my life is, I started laughing hysterically. It would be easier to ask me how it's not! My values and my sense of humor certainly haven't changed. I'm so glad that I wrote out my "Just do it" list because I can go back and remember just how hard it was to get a pair of pantyhose to fit, or how upsetting it was to be stuck wearing a style you didn't really like because it was the only thing that fit.

One of the things that has completely changed is my center of gravity. I used to feel my center in my belly. I was big everywhere, but the buddha really pulled me forward and down. I felt heavy, cumbersome, offbalance and fragile at the same time...worried that at any moment my delicate ankles would turn and I would crash down. I suffered many a sprain, my poor feet and ankles not being able to quite manage my frame and not being able to see my feet without bending over.

Now my center of gravity is just that - centered. I feel so grounded and centered and yet my step is light. Where proper girls are usually taught to feel a pull on a string from their head, I feel I'm leading by my collarbones. Yes, my collarbones. My collarbones are high and proud, my shoulders square, and my chest open to receive what the day has to bring me.

In other news, my first challenge is done. I wish I could bottle the fervor I feel today. Think of every peppermint patty commercial..that's how I feel times ten. I'm pleased with the results, no matter how small they may seem in others' eyes. They are my results. My effort and hard work. Something has happened in week 12 that hasn't ever happened to me with such ferocity. I have crossed the abyss, am looking in the mirror and into the eyes of an athlete in training. The scale is gone. The body is here and I have the power to shape it.

JeAnne

7/21/2003 03:13 pm link to this post

Tuesday July 15

Cathleen Earley

Cathy Earley was killed over this past weekend in her home in Rhode Island. There isn't too much information just yet apart from the fact that there is an investigation and she was 41 years old and too young to die.


Cathy was my stepsister. With a ten year age difference and me being the only child left in the house after my parents married, we weren't exactly close. Though we all had our scrapes with the dark side growing up, Cathy won and held the title for black sheep of the family. Throughout her life she made some pretty horrible decisions with not a lot of opportunities for change or growth presented to her. But she was a good person and no one deserves to be taken from this world violently and without the presence of love.


I remember being burnt to a crisp with her on the beach across from her house and spending the evening dousing ourselves with cider vinegar and eating ice cream. I remember how creative she was and how she liked to make presents to give to people instead of buying them. I remember her driving barefoot with the windows rolled down and the music cranked up with us singing as loudly and obnoxiously as possible..especially when stuck at a traffic light. I remember admiring her being a good cook, and choosing homey comfort food with not a care in the world about the way she looked. And I remember her warning me about my stepfather and for that alone, she deserves honor and remembrance.


I mourn the sibling relationship I never had. I mourn unfulfilled potential for happiness and freedom. I mourn a spirit lost and celebrate the choices that have brought me where I am today.

JeAnne

7/15/2003 11:53 am link to this post