Web Haunts

Friday June 18

Buffy's Resurrection

There are a lot of Buffy fans who say the show went down hill after season 3. It's incredibly hard for a one hour program to find the balance between the brilliant comic writing and the development of characters and serious plotlines. When Buffy died the shark was definitely in site and yet there were some brilliant episodes that kept me watching til the bitter end. One of the best episodes was the Buffy Musical. Joss is a god. Anyhoo, before I tangent off into the glorious contrivances of words and music...there's the opening number where Buffy is lamenting how every night she goes out and fights the fight, but somehow it's not doing it for her anymore. There's no spark, no thirst for righting the wrong, no feeling of success over the bad guy etc. And the best part...the demons see it and feel that "lack" too. Girl doesn't have game.

That's a lot like how I've felt for a long time in regards to weight loss, achieving health goals and feeling good about myself. I have spent the better part of 3 1/2 years fighting the fight. I have spent about a year eating and working out like an athlete with always the same numbers staring me in the face. I accepted my less than perfect size 14 and went off the pill in January thinking I had a solid plan for maintenance. I have spent the last 6 months eating under 1800 calories, taking kung fu. I have spent the last 3 1/2 months gaining weight. In 3 months I have gained 33 lbs from my low and 25 from where I spent most of last year. Where I stand now, I would do anything to be back where I was complaining last year.

I went to an endocrinologist a couple weeks ago when I should have went last year. I'm a new member of the PCOS "cyster" hood. In a couple of weeks I will take meds and hopefully be a little more successful in continuing the weight loss journey. I'm sorry for not updating the site more. Subconsciously, I stayed away because I was ashamed and embarrassed that with such diligent effort, there was no "real" progress. I'm sorry for not giving you all enough credit to know that this journey is not linear..there are many curve balls, obstacles, sights to see and hills along the way.

When I found out yesterday that it was PCOS, I was surprised to feel so depressed. I felt betrayed and let down by my own body. But today I feel encouraged. Encouraged that I will finish what I have started way back in September of 200. Encouraged that I will continue to be of help to others. Encouraged to have yet a new support system to lean on.

So I'm back. I'm resurrected and hoping that now I've found my spark.

JeAnne

6/18/2004 11:34 am link to this post