Web Haunts

Tuesday December 28

What is this stirring?

Last weekend I had a mighty long and mighty good holiday weekend. You can say that compared to the last 3 months, Chaz and I did a whole lotta NUTHIN! It was grand...lots of TV (me gots Buffy DVDs under the tree), lots of puppy lovin' ( http://www.greysangel.com/puppy ), and a little eggnog. Over the course of the long weekend I found some old pictures sitting on the computer.

Now mind you these pictures are on my website, but for a lot of reasons (some legit and some not) I have been neglecting this site and it took seeing them on the puter vs online for me to feel something. And what I felt folks was WOW. I think I really saw how I looked back when I was 206 and all depressed and freaking and what not. Ok, no weight loss is majorly frustrating. But damn I looked pretty good! I looked big but fit. And I also could really see the difference between then and now. I kept telling myself that it wasn't all that noticeable, but it really is. It's a size noticeable. It's a lot less puffy in the face noticeable. It's full clavicle and less buddha noticeable. I really want to get back to that place. I won't say that I don't care if I never get under 200, but I want to get there and appreciate my hard work....I certainly didn't when I was beating myself up last year.

I think I'm feeling the beginning of commitment to the end goal..finally, after months of sort of feeling sorry for myself over the PCOS and weight gain. I have my Curves which I do derive some pleasure from that I won't get elsewhere and I've also bitten the bullet and joined a full service gym. Curves will give me girly club bonding and the gym I'm hoping will bring me closer to the free weights which have long been neglected. While I miss kung fu, I also have missed feeling strong and pumping iron.

So the goals are:
1)Try to do a little website maintenance which includes removing my guestbook which is getting spammed to high heaven :(
2)Come up with a concrete gym and eating plan
3)Look forward to the reward of looking and feeling better in 11 weeks when Chaz and I head to glorious St Lucia once again.
4)Post here more regularly.

12/28/2004 03:23 pm link to this post